Golf Humor: How to Talk to Your Golf Ball and Make it Listen

By | March 15, 2018

All golfers talk to their golf balls.  Some do it loudly, others softly, some keep it inside.  You do to, you know it’s true.

All assume that the golf ball can hear what is being said and will respond favorably if properly coaxed.  But what to say?  How to best communicate with the placid white sphere?  Surely there are some magic words that can be used!

I’ve put together some of my favorites below.   Enjoy!  — GolfTipEditor

  • “Get legs, get there.”  Useful for a chip or putt that is struck too softly, that needs to roll faster to get to the hole.
  • “Hit something.”  When your chip or putt is going too fast and needs to slow down as it nears the hole.
  • “Get down.”  A ball that is hit too hard or struck too well sailing beyond the target.  Maybe it will drop from the sky when told of it’s errant ways.
  • “Come back.”  A push or a pull that you would like to see hook or slice back on target.  Never mind that a slicing ball cannot start hooking without defying the laws of physics…
  • “Be right, be the one.”  The ball looks good in the air and felt good at impact.
  • “Bite.”  Useful when the ball lands farther than you intended and you want it to stop fast, or maybe even spin backwards like it does on TV.
  • “Get up.”  The ball looks short in the air, and might not carry as far as you wanted.
  • “Kick right (left)”.  A shot is off target but with a good bounce in the proper direction, could end up OK.
  • “Get through it.”  The ball is sailing through some sparse trees and you hope to not connect with any wood.  Trees are 90% air, right?
  • “Sit up.”  Your shot ended up in the rough and you want a decent lie for your next shot.
  • “Get outta there.”  The ball has gone where it shouldn’t, and you hope for a kind bounce out of the trouble.
  • “Dance for me.”  You want the ball to hit the green with backspin and “dance”, so you end up near the ball mark.
  • “Come on down.”  A long, downhill putt that is struck softly and takes a long time to get to the hole.
  • “One time.”  The putt looks good, like it will surely go in the hole.
  • “Stay dry.”  You are dangerously close to a water hazard.

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